Being a caregiver and feeling guilty: a silent struggle.

One gesture. One presence. One difference.

Understanding this feeling to better navigate it

Caring for a loved one who is losing autonomy or living with an illness is an immense act of love.But it is also a path filled with doubts, fatigue… and often, guilt.

A heavy word. One we rarely speak aloud.Yet one in two caregivers feels it deeply.

At Huma, we support caregivers every day who whisper to us:

“I feel guilty... but I don't even know why.”

So let’s put words to what so many experience in silence.

1. Because they feel like they’re never doing enough

Even when they give everything they have, caregivers often feel they could do more — or better.This feeling of not doing enough slowly eats away at them, especially when they strive to do everything "perfectly."

2. Because they have human emotions

A caregiver might feel tired, frustrated, even angry… and then feel guilty about it.But irritation doesn't mean you love less. It simply means you are human.

3. Because they have to make difficult choices

Placing a loved one in a care facility, hiring help, or taking time for themselves are often seen as failures —even though these choices are often necessary to maintain balance.

4. Because they live with invisible grief

Caring for someone who is losing their memory or autonomy is like grieving slowly.You mourn the person they were, even though they are still here.That inner pain is hard to explain… and it often comes with deep discomfort.

5. Because they don’t dare ask for help

Asking for help can feel like admitting defeat.So they push through, become exhausted… and then feel guilty for being tired.It’s a vicious cycle that must be broken.

A mental load that wears you down

Being a caregiver is much more than simply being present each day.It means constantly juggling a multitude of responsibilities:

• scheduling appointments and coordinating care,

• making decisions for the other person’s well-being,

• managing finances,

• and maintaining emotional bonds — even when worn thin.

When you're a caregiver, you're not just checking off tasks (giving meds, cleaning, organizing care).You’re also trying to preserve the emotional connection with your loved one:

• Staying gentle, present, and attentive,

• Holding onto love, attachment, tenderness,

• Remaining patient, even through frustration or cognitive decline (like in Alzheimer’s).

But over time — with fatigue, repetition, misunderstanding, and the progression of illness — that bond can wear down.

You find yourself emotionally drained. You feel guilty because you can’t love the same way anymore. You try to keep everything going… and forget yourself in the process.

Sometimes, it feels like you're living their life instead of your own.And it is exhausting.

What if we changed the way we see it?

Guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means you care.But loving someone else should never mean forgetting to love yourself.

At Huma, we believe caregivers need time to rest, space to breathe, recognition, and support — just as much as the person they care for.

In conclusion…

One day, like me, you may wake up and realize you’re barely standing.If I can offer you one thing today, it’s this: Don’t wait until you hit a wall. Asking for help is an act of strength.And it’s what allows you to keep loving — with energy and gentleness.

Being a caregiver is a commitment of the heart.But even hearts need support too.

Feeling guilty doesn’t make you a bad caregiver.It makes you a deeply compassionate human being.

At Huma, we believe you can’t take care of others if you forget yourself.

So may that guilt slowly transform…Into compassion.Into softness.Into permission to breathe again.

And if you need a break, someone to talk to, or simply to feel that a hand is there for you…We are here.

You are not alone.

👉 Discover our services for individuals living with neurocognitive disorders:https://www.serviceshuma.com/services-aide-a-la-personne